Honorable Pardoned Felon
from Atlantic and Dixie
|Seniority||House Minority Leader|
|U.S. Secretary of State|
|Ambassador||Antarctic Secretariat (with U.S. Attorney General iamatinman), Canada, Federal Republic of Germany, Kingdom of the Netherlands, Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, Nigeria, People's Republic of China, Republic of Guyana, State of Israel, United Nations|
|Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation|
|Assistant U.S. Attorney General|
|U.S. Undersecretary for Defense Intelligence|
|Secretary of Defense||Melp8836 (but see Dixie Attorney General deepfriedhookers v. caribcannibal (J. bsddc, invalidating office)|
|Dixie Secretary of the Environment, Fish, and Wildlife|
|Atlantic Attorney General|
December 4, 1960
New York, AC
|Political party||Independent, Republican Party (Freedom Caucus Chair, National Committeeman), Bull Moose Party (Counselor, Co-founder), Democratic Party (Lifetime Ban)|
|Spouse(s)||Self-marriage (rejected by court)|
|Residence||Hookers Organization Doral, Florida, DX|
|Education||Western Michigan University Cooley Law School (JD), University of Miami (B.S., Cinematic Arts)|
Caribcannibal, also known as Carib, is an American statesman, filmmaker, and former fugitive from Dixie. He currently serves as the president and founder of Bureau Pictures, Sierra’s premier film producer.
In 2019, Bureau Pictures was awarded the coveted GuiltyAir Pulitzer Prize for BANIME, profiling the raging anime prohibition movement, and THE NIGERIAN WAR, discussing the GuiltyAir Administration’s military intervention in West Africa left nearly unchecked by Congress and the courts. It most recently released the short film ADITH’S ANGELS: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DRUG WAR, offering firsthand accounts of U.S. airmen patrolling Mexican skies.
In Eastern, Bureau Pictures also manages the nation’s largest adult entertainment studio lot, the world’s only filmhouse specializing in VHS logistics and distribution, on behalf of the Hookers Company.
Carib is Hookers CEO deepfriedhookers’ personal attorney and was a partner in several Hookers projects. Notable successes included HookersWest and DFH Mercenary Services. Notable failures included Dixie Attorney General deepfriedhookers’ successful extradition of Carib for an illegal appointment at the Pentagon, after 170 Supreme Court posts, and three state trials.
HookersWest was a joint aerospace venture between deepfriedhookers, Kanye West, and the U.S. Air Force under Secretary of Defense comped to manufacture a hypersonic, distinctive, and comfortable presidential Air Force One replacement. In phase two, HookersWest will scrap the vice presidential vehicle fleet for hypothetical cost savings.
DFH Mercenary Services was contracted by the U.S. Department of State to send experienced operators to Atlantic for police protection. The federal emergency response hinged on deepfriedhookers’ unique business acumen during Atlantic’s ongoing class revolution and Governor Mika’s subsequent firearm disarmament order, which was later rescinded.
Carib is a principal of the Dixie Civil Liberties Union, New York Civil Liberties Union, Citizens United for Lincoln Bottled Water, Dixie Petroleum Lubricant, and Atlantic Tobacco Lobbyists, American Disbarred Association, and Easterners for the Ethical Treatment of Zoo Hippopotamuses.
Carib is widely considered by his peers as mathematically, and inarguably, the most successful litigator by statistical analysis in modern times. He has worked with governments across the political spectrum and as a private citizen to successfully navigate the court system.
He is a proud two-time nearly-disbarred member of the Supreme Court Bar and graduate of Cooley Law School alongside alums such as President Trump’s advisor Michael Dean Cohen. Cooley is consistently ranked the “Least Selective” law school by the prestigious National Advisory Council for Law School Transparency and as of 2022 remains a trusted partner of the American Bar Association’s accreditation committee.